by Amy Buckley
In America there are 24 million children with an incarcerated parent.
These children are affected in numerous ways and those effects can be
detrimental, often attributing to rebellious behavior and other
problems. Judges do not consider children when sentencing a parent, nor
do they consider where those children will go or who will care for them.
As parents, we must think about our children before we act because the
courts have no money and our children are the ones suffering.
About 2 million U.S. children have at least one parent in prison,
and more than half of the nation’s inmates have children under age 18.
Children born to incarcerated women in the United States are usually
taken away within 72 hours of birth. In contrast, at Tihar Jail in
India, female prisoners are allowed to keep their child with them in
prison until the child is 6 years old.
Between 1980 and 2010 the rate of women in prison increased by 646
percent, according to The Sentencing Project. These women are more
likely to have minor children than are men. Grandparents often have to
step in and raise their grandchildren when a mother goes to prison,
though some children end up with other relatives or in foster care. The
statistics are alarming and our children’s futures are at stake.
When a parent is incarcerated, it creates financial and material
hardships, as well as causing an imbalance in family relationships and
structure. For the children, a parent’s incarceration often results in
behavior and performance problems in school and at home and can also
cause social and institutional stigma and shame. These children are more
susceptible to depression and anger, and many have symptoms of
post-traumatic stress reaction.
Children are forced to give up the things that matter the most to
them: their homes, safety, public status, private self-image, and their
primary source of comfort and affection. Most young children identify
themselves with their parents or blame themselves for their parents’
absence. These children should not have to suffer.
As parents, it is important to do what we can to maintain a
relationship with our children while we serve our sentences. This
relationship will help improve the child’s emotional response to our
incarceration and will encourage parent-child attachment. We must
reiterate to our children that our incarceration is in no way their
fault and help to rebuild their self-esteem by encouragement and
positive reinforcement.
Keeping the lines of communication open and being willing to listen
to our children is also very important. Children need to know that even
though we are absent from the home, we are still available to help solve
problems and offer advice.
Children
are forced to give up the things that matter the most to them: their
homes, safety, public status, private self-image, and their primary
source of comfort and affection.
Just as parents feel the need to protect their children, children
often feel the need to protect their parents. I have experienced this
personally in my relationship with my sons. I feel that it is important
to let our children know that they can tell or ask us anything without
the fear of us becoming angry.
If a child senses that they have angered or upset their parent, they
often change the subject of the conversation or withdraw completely from
the conversation and their parent. How we control ourselves when
communicating with our children will determine the child’s willingness
to open up to us.
Children are very perceptive, and the things they hear about their
parents and themselves affects them as much as their parents’
incarceration. They can become defensive and angry, acting out and
coming to resent the people around them. This can result in behavioral
problems which can be self-destructive if not quickly worked through and
corrected.
Some children may need counseling to help them adjust to and
understand the things that are happening in their lives, while others
may be able to cope without professional help. We must make sure that
our children have mental and emotional stability during what is a
capricious time in their lives.
Another way to help our children is through personal visits.
Unfortunately, more than half of incarcerated parents have never had a
personal visit from their children, the Sentencing Project reported in
2009. The distance between the parents’ last place of residence and the
prison where they are now housed is one factor that makes it difficult
for family members to bring children to see their parents.
Other factors include, but are not limited to, financial instability
and lack of transportation. Personal visits are important to both
parents and children, improving the children’s emotional life and
helping reduce the likelihood of recidivism.
Our children have needs, and those needs should be considered when
sentences are handed down. Laws must be implemented to expand the
judge’s capacity to consider children. Family impact statements should
be included in pre-sentence investigation reports, and all information
in that report should be taken into consideration. Judges should assess
the effects a given sentence will have on children and their families
and then choose the least detrimental sentence or sentencing
alternative, i.e., probation, house arrest, drug rehabilitation etc.
More than half of incarcerated parents have never had a personal visit from their children.
An incarcerated person with strong family bonds will be more likely
to succeed upon release. For children, a strong, well maintained
relationship with the absent parent is key to their successful
development. The parent-child relationship should always be recognized
and valued even during adverse circumstances. When our children are
treated with respect, have their potential recognized and are afforded
opportunities, they have a better chance of overcoming the stigma of
their parents’ incarceration.
We as parents have made choices that have forever affected our
children. The damage that has been caused is often indelible, but with
the proper care and love the effects can be lessened. Our children can
grow into healthy adults despite our incarceration.
We need to encourage our children and reassure them that they are
loved. When our children see us striving to do better, they will be more
apt to do the same. Our mistakes should not ruin our children’s
prospects for the rest of their lives. Our children are our future and
they should not have to worry about being judged for our mistakes.
An
incarcerated person with strong family bonds will be more likely to
succeed upon release. For children, a strong, well maintained
relationship with the absent parent is key to their successful
development.
As an incarcerated mother, I see how my sons have been affected by my
absence. They are teenagers now, young men really, and I have worked
hard to maintain a relationship with them. I see the justice system as a
failure! It has failed not only the children, but the incarcerated as
well. Many changes need to be made and our children need their rights
protected. We cannot give up. Our children are too important, so we must
continue to fight for them.
In closing, I would like to leave you with some statistics to ponder:
Three in 100 American children will go to sleep tonight with a parent
in jail or prison; one in eight African American children has a parent
behind bars; one in 10 children of prisoners will be incarcerated before
reaching the age of 18, according to the UN Human Rights Council.
These statistics should be an eye-opener for us. We must not forget
our children and, for them, we must dare to struggle, dare to win!
Send our sister some love and light: Amy Buckley, 150005, KNRCF, 374 Stennis Ind. Park Rd., DeKalb, MS 39328.
